language translator

I met all kinds of great people on my recent cruise with the family. There were some communication gaps though. I found the gap most prevalent when discussing computers, especially with those from the nether regions of this great country. I thought that I would put down on paper that which you, the future traveler, might need handy to properly talk about the subject:


LOG ON:
Making a wood stove hot

LOG OFF:
Too much wood on fire
MONITOR:
Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
DOWN LOAD:
Gitten the farwood off'n the truck

MEGA HERTZ:
When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood

FLOPPY DISC:Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood

RAM:That thar thang what splits the farwood

HARD DRIVE:Gitten home in the winter time

WINDOWS:
Whut to shut when its cold outside

SCREEN:
Whut to shut when its black fly season

BYTE:
Whut dem dang flys do

CHIP:
Munchies fer the TV

MICRO CHIP:
Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag

MODEM:Whatcha do to the hay fields

DOT MATRIX:
Ole Dan Matrix's wife

LAP TOP:
Whar the kitty sleeps

KEYBOARD:
Whar you hang the dang truck keys

SOFTWARE:
Dem dang plastic forks and knifes

MOUSE:
What eats the grain in the barn

MOUSE PAD:
That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives

MAINFRAME:
Holds up the barn roof

PORT:
Fancy flatlander wine

ENTER:
Notherner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all"

CLICK:
Whut you hear when you cock yer gun

DOUBLE CLICK:
When you cock the double barrel

REBOOT:
Whut you have to do right before bedtime
when you have to go to the outhouse