Thursday, October 25, 2007

Two false alarms, the same man trapped.

There were two fire calls on my way to the office today- the pager and siren went off just as I opened my door. Frankly, it was kind of creepy the way that i seemed to have set off two fire alarms just by opening the door to my car. "I'm not gonna lie," as my EMT buddy Joe always tells me- I loved the sound of the pager tones.  And when they stopped, the town's horn siren filled in the gap between the repeat pager tones.  I was excited. No, more exhilarated than excited. Whatever. It was a positive, energizing sentiment- almost like what I feel in vegas after chain drinking Red Bulls and smoking a non-filtered cig while looking at a winning hand of blackjack with a bet just big enough to make me worry.  Last time I got that feeling while wearing my attorney hat was... I can't really remember. Let's just say eons ago for now

I don't cherish the reasons for the calls, that is for certain. I do, nonetheless, crave that 'rush' of going from Zero to 100 MPH in an instant, and all else that goes along with it.  And being kept from feeling it more often than I do by my Attorney responsibilities doesn't make missing that rush any easier. It's a balancing act all around, that's for sure. Walking the tightrope between the fire/rescue rush and providing my family with more and better life opportunities vis a vis and all of its glory. 

Then again, there is always the cloud of retirement that lingers.  But hasn't the whole concept of retirement, as in total leisure lifestyle without any income at all, sort of become passe at this point, even in this Country? There are those I know who speak of retirement at 55, 60 or 65, but I don't think many of them actually think they will actually retire then. I think the vast majority of people now expect - or if they don't they have to expect -  to work at least part time even well into their 70's.  Maybe, a better plan than retirement is to find some kind of work that I enjoy doing- and striving to do it well into my 70's. I mean, is 'old school' retirement really healthy anyway? I'm probably better off doing my best to keep body, mind and soul active.  What am I really going to do if I retire at like 65 or 70 anyway? I will most likely be rife with back pain or some other 'old man ailment' that would hinder any adventurous plans of mine. 

 I want to enjoy my life now. I don't want to wait. I shouldn't have to. But how can I do what I want to do and still keep my family in the balance?

Oh. The two fire calls this morning were false alarms. Thankfully, none of my brethren (and sistren?) got hurt on their way to the station house.  Maybe that's what my worry is- a false alarm.  I hope I'm not hurting myself by worrying. Or worse, my kids. I'm still trying to listen for those pager tones and sirens. Are they real or just in my head?

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